Just like every person is different, each business is different as well. Some people sell widgets, some sell socks. Some businesses don't sell at all. One thing that every business has in common is a need for solid business relationships, great customer service, and of course, clients!

Wouldn't it be great, however, to run your business without having to worry about keeping clients happy? After all, they're probably the biggest hassle you'll have to deal with during the course of a work day. Really, what good are they other than keeping your business afloat, providing you with income so you can support your family and enjoy life, and giving you a sense of pride in helping people seeking your expertise?

Bah! Over-rated! All of it! Through years of pain-staking research and study, ViralMarketingTool has uncovered the top 5 ways to run your business without having to worry about those annoying "customers" clinging like chewed gum to the bottom of your shoe in an effort to give you money in exchange for products and services. Here's how to deal with those scum-sucking bottom-feeders so they stop being loyal clients and start leaving you and your business alone!

1. Be inaccessible! If there's one thing customers LOVE it's when you're accessible and available for all of their stupid questions. Don't give those pesky cockroaches the satisfaction of answering their concerns, all it's going to do is get you MORE customers. Remember - responsive business owners attract customers like bees to honey. Don't fall into the trap!
   
   
2. Turn on the ULTIMATE spam filter! When you think about it, isn't EVERY piece of mail just like spam? There's no better way to get people to leave you alone than to filter ALL of your email immediately into the trash can. See, this way, you won't get any spam! Sure, you won't get any orders for your products, joint ventures, testimonials, or purchases, but hey ... who needs all that crap anyway, right!?
   
   
3. Refine your correspondence! If those lousy customers won't leave you alone, a sure way to give them the hint is to add, "ARE YOU GONNA BUY THIS OR WHAT?" after each sentence you write in correspondence with them. There's nothing customers hate more than being constantly sold to! Whatever you do, don't make the mistake of actually answering their questions promptly and succinctly! There is no faster way to gain their respect and business, so watch out!
   
   
4. Follow the "Apathy" Model! Nothing says, "I don't want to deal with you" more than ignoring customer requests for refunds and information! Why on earth would you want to pay attention to your clients needs? Unless you're one of those "wackos" trying to run your business the "right" way, you're best off being ho-hum about your client's requests. Stop offering guarantees, refunds, and great customer service. What are you trying to do, succeed?
   
   
5. Trash Your Reputation! Since businesses online are largely built on trust, there's no better way to incinerate every last remaining shred of your integrity and good reputation than to make a complete jackass out of yourself whenever the opportunity arises! By all means, when you're on forums discussing topics with other business owners, be as rude as is humanly possible. If you practice over-reacting, not offering sound advice, and being a self-centered pig, people will soon get the drift that you should be left alone and not counted upon. Being genuinely helpful and giving good advice will only attract customers and fruitful business relationships. Icky!

Stray from these techniques at your own risk! If you're one of those crazies who wants a successful business full of loyal customers and a sparkling reputation that's known far and wide, these techniques are not for you! They are strictly for people who can't stand customers, making money, or running a decent and honestly successful business!

©2005 ViralMarketingTool.com

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